I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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