Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
