My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
