My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
