dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
