Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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