when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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