don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
