I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
