no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize