I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
