The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
