Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need moral support for this bender
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
