The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize