"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?