I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
