I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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