Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have fence marks all over my body
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.