Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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