Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
