Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need a beard to bite.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
