Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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