So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
