No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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