On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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