just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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