You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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