I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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