I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
