Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
