Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Say something about gay babies.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
