Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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