I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
