Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
