Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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