great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
