Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
