Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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