hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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