I showed him my bush... on skype.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
