My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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