my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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