I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
