I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
