when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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