I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
