he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
