if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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