Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
