Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize