So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
