You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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