There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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