living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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