I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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