I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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