I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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