hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A bitchslap is in order.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
