I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
