I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
