I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
