naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
