I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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