i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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