Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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