Umm I'm too high to move.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
