we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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