my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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