SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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