Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need to stop coming to work sober
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
