it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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