At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
