before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
