I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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