Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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