dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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