Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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