God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
