i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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