Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
