just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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