gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
