She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
