I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
