Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Be still, my beating vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
