My room smells like vodka and shame
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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