Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
