I need help removing her.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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